Don’t H8 Me (Or Do)

One thing about me is that I am always, unapologetically, going to be myself.

And, to be honest, I think I’m generally likable. I really don’t believe that’s an arrogant thing to say — it’s simply my experience. I’m at ease meeting new people because, historically, it goes well for me. But every now and then, I come across someone who doesn’t have a taste for my particular brand of charm. (Can you freakin’ believe it?)

I recently had a delightfully deep conversation about how people are essentially mirrors. Not the kind that help you locate the spinach in your teeth — although those are useful, too. Mirrors in that we admire or dislike traits in people as they apply to our own identity. When you meet someone and love their optimism, that speaks to your personality and how you rank that personality trait. When someone does something that you find irritating or distasteful, it essentially says more about you than it does about them.

This isn't a revolutionary concept; in fact, it’s one I’ve long been familiar with. But understanding it intellectually and applying it in real life are two entirely different ball games.

Take a sense of humor as an example. I personally pride myself on my wit — it’s always been a prominent part of my personality. But sometimes, people find it grating. When this happens, my initial reaction is to feel a bit affronted. I mean, who wouldn’t? When someone doesn’t appreciate something you take pride in, it stings. A good ole-fashioned ego punch. Here’s where the mirror thing comes in — this is when I take a look and see what is reflecting back to me.

Why does their reaction bother me so much? Is it because I doubt myself, or perhaps I fear that maybe I am not as likable as I thought? The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. It is less about their distaste and more about my own fear of not being universally accepted. And let’s be real, the idea of being universally liked is an elusive and mythical unicorn.

In the past, encountering someone who disliked me could easily send me into a tailspin. I would overanalyze every interaction, replaying moments in my mind and wondering what the freaking heck I did wrong. It was exhausting and unproductive, often leading to self-doubt and unnecessary stress. However, embracing the mirror concept has transformed my sense of self.

Instead of seeing their dislike as a personal failure, I now understand that it’s merely a reflection of their own preferences and biases. As long as I feel good about who I am and maintain my integrity, their opinion holds no power over me.

Let me repeat that because it feels important: As long as I feel good about who I am and maintain my integrity, their opinion holds no power over me.

This perspective shift has been freeing, allowing me to focus on my own growth and happiness rather than seeking validation from others. It’s a continuous journey, but each step brings me closer to a place of self-assurance and peace.

It’s perfectly okay if someone doesn’t vibe with me. In fact, it’s not just okay; it’s inevitable. And more importantly, it’s not something I need to take personally. Everyone has their preferences, and just as some people don’t like pineapple on pizza (which, by the way, I think is freakin’ dank every now and again), some people won’t click with me.

When someone else's reaction to me feels like a slap, I pause and ask myself what this reaction is reflecting back at me. Is it an insecurity? A fear? Or maybe a lesson I need to learn about acceptance and diversity?

Sometimes, it leads me to realize something important about my own personality or at least about that specific interaction. Maybe something I did or said wasn’t my best move, and I reflect on how I can be better. This helps me grow.

Other times, I fully stand behind my actions and realize that their perspective of my essence is inaccurate, and they’re probably not somebody I want to be around anyway. This also helps me grow.

It’s an ongoing process, and I won’t pretend I've completely mastered it. But embracing this perspective has added a layer of depth to my interactions. It’s like adding a secret ingredient to a recipe you’ve been making for years — suddenly, everything tastes richer and more nuanced.

So, the next time you find someone who doesn’t have a taste for your brand, remember, it’s not really about you. The interaction is just a little mirror held up to your own face, giving you a chance to see yourself more clearly. And trust me, that reflection can be incredibly illuminating, hot, and gorgeous.

With my whole heart,

Your Maddy