Grow Through What You Go Through

First of all, I want to say that everything is relative. In this blog post, I’ll be touching on trauma and how I've handled it personally. I acknowledge that many factors influence how a person deals with traumatic experiences, and I don't believe there is a singular "best" way to move forward. This is simply the way I have coped.

Trauma is kinda trendy. That is such a wild statement, but it feels very true. Mostly, that says to me that we have come a long way in destigmatizing mental health and creating a safer societal space to share our experiences. I really think that we are more self-aware than previous generations, which can only be a good thing.

And as a person who has (unfortunately) experienced childhood trauma in nearly every category (shoutout to my CPTSD peeps), I feel like I am allowed to yap about this. But don’t worry—this isn’t going to be a "woe is me" post. I’m not going into detail about the trauma I experienced; rather, I’m going to talk about how trauma impacted my brain and how I learned to push forward. If this is interesting to you, please read on. If not, I’ll see you in my next ramble, which will probably be something flirty because balance.

There are many studies related to adversity thresholds and whether or not children are inherently resilient. From what I can gather, the general consensus is no. Children are not inherently resilient. Resilience is a skill that can be cultivated. And when you do not have the proper guidance or support to grow this skill, you can learn it from your environment in other ways.

For me, learning resilience was a bumpy ride. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of stability. My childhood was a patchwork of chaotic events, and I often felt like I was just trying to survive. My nervous system was permanently in fight-or-flight mode until I was about 24 years old. But survival teaches you things. It taught me how to adapt, how to find moments of joy in the darkest times, and how to hold on to the belief that things can get better. I’m 28 now, and in just four years, I can tell you with certainty that things can get better.

One of the biggest lessons, and the one I wish I had learned sooner, is that it's okay to ask for help. My default coping mechanism was hyper-independence for a very long time. There are several reasons for this, but the most important one for me was control. Handling it myself minimized the chance that someone else could let me down. You can’t disappoint me if I never let you get involved, yanno? Unfortunately, my lil noggin can be a dark place sometimes, and I learned the hard way that we don’t make it through life alone. I've realized that true strength comes from knowing when to lean on others. Whether it's friends, family, or a therapist, having a support system is crucial.

Another important aspect of coping with trauma is self-compassion. This one is still a work in progress for me, but I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. It's so easy to be hard on ourselves, especially when dealing with the aftermath of traumatic experiences. Sometimes, the lil voice inside my head is an absolute asshole, especially if I perceive that I have done something wrong. But beating ourselves up doesn't help. I've learned to be kinder to myself, to recognize my progress, and to celebrate the small victories. I really rely on the logic part of my brain for this one. If I put the facts on paper, I am generally doing a pretty good job as a human.

Mindfulness and meditation have also played a huge role in my healing journey. Taking time to sit with my thoughts, to breathe, and to just be present (especially in nature) has helped me manage anxiety and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos. It's not always easy, but it's worth the effort.

Mindfulness, to me, goes hand in hand with my favorite medium for healing—creativity. Writing, painting, dancing—whatever your outlet is, it's a powerful tool for processing emotions and expressing yourself. I have an incredibly busy brain so writing has been my lifeline. It's a way to make sense of my experiences and to connect with others who might be going through similar things. A regular journaling practice has provided me with as much if not more insight into my own thought patterns as therapy. Highly recommend.

Finally, the realization that healing is a continuous journey and not a final destination really shifted my mindset from “why can’t I get better” to “wow I’ve grown so much.” Healing is filled with ups and downs, and it’s perfectly okay to take it one step at a time. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it may seem, and be gentle with yourself when things don't go as planned. Each day is an opportunity to grow, to heal, and to move closer to a place of peace and self-acceptance. I’m rooting for you.

If there's one thing I hope you take away from this, it's that you are not alone. Whatever you're going through, there is hope, there is help, and there is a way forward. That’s all I’ve got for now—take care of yourselves and let’s take care of each other.

With my whole heart,

Your Maddy