Pheromones? Nah, that’s that me, espresso.
Tell me about the weirdest crush you’ve ever had.
The one you can’t explain or even tell your friends about because it’s simply too embarrassing. I’ll go first: all through high school, I had a secret crush on this boy my friends teased me about relentlessly. In hindsight, I should’ve never opened my yap, but I was as confused by my attraction to this person as they were, so I needed my friends to help me unpack it.
This boy had what some might describe as a “grating” personality. He was outwardly pretentious and, dare I say, arrogant for reasons that eluded most people he encountered. At first glance, he looked no different than any other boy in our class, experiencing the throws of puberty with all the smells and sprouting body hair that came with it. A total dweeb. Picture a cheese grater slowly chipping away at a block of cheese until all that’s left is a pile of shreds. Yeah, his personality was kind of like that. And I could see all those things about him – but here’s the deal.
I sat next to him in one of our classes and observed him from a closer lens. He was kind in a gentle way, offering spare pencils or help with a question I didn’t understand. If I was having a bad day, he’d pat my shoulder and tell me to “keep your head up, kid” (*sighs in daddy issues*). And he was brilliant. I’m telling you, this boy made me want to read more just so that my vocabulary was strong enough to banter. And that, to me, was so freakin’ hot.
I remember when I realized I had a crush on this dude – there was some sort of project where we had to physically build something, and I remember him reaching over me. Y’all, I could smell him. Not his cologne or his likely BO, but his skin. I could smell his skin. I know I sound like a stalker, but I’m telling you, in that moment, I felt… something. I’ll save the details for my high school diary, but I was PERPLEXED! And reminiscing on this sexual awakening of sorts made me rethink all of my attraction and what it was about him that got me going. The only explanation I can think of is – pheromones. My body and subconscious said yep, we like him.
I’ve experienced similar crushes throughout my years as a lovergirl and it got me wondering about the science of attraction. What is it about pheromones and other biological factors that influence our attraction? Are we really just a bundle of chemicals?
From an evolutionary perspective, certain traits have been deemed attractive because they signal good genes or the ability to provide and protect. Physical features like symmetry, clear skin, and a certain body ratio are often unconsciously associated with health and fertility. What do y’all know about child-bearing hips? Supposedly, these preferences have been hardwired into our brains over millennia, shaping our attractions in ways we might not fully understand. Shoutout Charles Darwin, I guess.
Pheromones, per Google, are chemical signals released by an individual that can affect the behavior or physiology of another member of the same species. In humans, the role of pheromones in attraction is still a topic of debate, but some research suggests that we are influenced by subtle chemical signals that we aren't consciously aware of.
For instance, a study by Claus Wedekind known as the "sweaty T-shirt experiment" found that women were more attracted to the scent of men whose immune system genes were different from their own. This could potentially enhance the immune system of offspring, suggesting a biological basis for attraction. Like what the freaking heck! You’re telling me my BODY knows the difference? Wild.
I like to think my pheromones are the most beautiful sexy gorgeous pheromones, but it’s comforting to know that even if they’re not, somebody is going to be attracted to me for reasons they can’t explain, and that is freakin’ hilarious. HA, goteeeeeeeem.
When we find someone attractive, our brain releases a cocktail of chemicals that make us feel euphoric and obsessed. Dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, plays a significant role in the pleasure and reward centers of the brain, giving us that rush of happiness when we're around someone we like. Oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," promotes bonding and attachment, while serotonin levels can drop, leading to obsessive thoughts about our crush. Put it all together and that’s that YOU, espresso baby.
Beyond biology, our personal experiences and psychological makeup also influence who we fall for. Attachment styles formed in childhood, past relationship experiences, and even the personality traits we admire or aspire to can play significant roles in shaping our attractions. The way someone makes us feel emotionally can be just as important, if not more so, than their physical appearance. (Disorganized attachment girlie roll call – how’s that relational ambivalence treating ya?)
Despite all the scientific explanations, there's still a certain magic to attraction that can't be fully explained by chemicals and evolutionary theory. Sometimes, we’re drawn to people who defy our usual "type," and the reasons can be mysterious. Me, personally, I like confidence, introspection, and a lil bit nerdy. Yes baby, tell me more about your Lego collection. Perhaps it's their unique personality, a shared sense of humor, or an unexplainable connection that makes somethin’ flutter, but your weird crush is valid and honestly, not your conscious fault.
With my whole heart,
Your Maddy
