It’s Not You, It’s Not Me, It’s Us.

We're going camping! Well, sort of. Actually, we're not really going camping at all.

I just want to talk about sleeping bags—specifically, when you're ready to pack up the campsite and you've got to fit your sleeping bag back into the stuff sack. (It is actually called a stuff sack; I Googled it for ya.)

It definitely used to fit inside the stuff sack, so you're certain it's not a defect, but all of a sudden, it feels like you're trying to stuff an octopus into a shoebox.

Well, when you're big and strong like me, it’s no problem. But relationships? Imagine trying to fit the Kraken into a shoebox (I’m committed to this octopus analogy and I have small feet). That’s what it feels like to stay in a relationship that does not fit.

I know that relationships are more complex than sea creatures and random containers. In both of my significant breakups, there were no dramatic showdowns or shocking betrayals. Everything seemed to align perfectly, at least on the surface. We cared deeply for each other, shared common interests, and had dreams of a future together. But despite all the love and compatibility, something felt... off.

Deep down, we both knew that things weren't clicking, but we clung to the belief our love could make it happen. It was as if admitting that our relationship wasn't working would somehow invalidate all the love we felt for each other. Weird how that works, huh? Realizing that a relationship isn't functioning can feel like a betrayal of the love we share.

It's a sobering reality that many people find themselves staying in relationships past their expiration date, only to realize years later that they now resent their partner for being sour milk. Whether it's fear of being alone, societal pressure, financial dependence, or simply not wanting to hurt their partner, people often choose to remain in relationships that no longer serve them.

Love is undeniably powerful, but it's not a panacea.

*Panacea is a fancy word for universal cure. It reminded me of the word Pangea, which I know is a supercontinent, but always makes me think of Lil Dicky’s song “Pillow Talking” which is probably the greatest song ever in history. Just a lil insight into my noggin for your pleasure.*

Sometimes, despite our best efforts and deepest affection, relationships simply don't align as we hoped. And that realization can be difficult to accept, as it challenges our belief in the resilience of our love.

It requires a different kind of strength – a gentler, more compassionate one – to acknowledge when something isn't right. It's like peeling off a Band-Aid from a particularly hairy arm – uncomfortable and awkward, but essential for healing. (Again, I have the vocabulary of your grandma but the imagination of her five-year-old grandson.)

By recognizing when it's time to say goodbye and doing so gracefully, you're paving the way for new beginnings – for both yourself and your partner. It's not about labeling the relationship as negative; it's about acknowledging that both of you have evolved in different directions, and that's perfectly okay.

Understanding that a relationship isn't functioning doesn't imply that it is inherently flawed. Rather, it signifies that two well-intentioned humans have grown apart. We should normalize the notion that it's acceptable to part ways amicably, preserving love and respect throughout the process. (“Cool” by Gwen Stefani paints this picture beautifully and without marine mollusk references.)

Admitting the end of a relationship can be painful— it can also be liberating. It signifies a step toward authenticity, self-discovery, new possibilities, and personal growth. It provides an opportunity to look back on your relationship with appreciation rather than resentment.

The next time you’re attempting to confine a sea monster in a tiny box, remember – sometimes, it's alright to release your grip. (I predict you were pissing off the Kraken anyway.) It's okay to cherish the love you once shared while acknowledging that it's time to move forward. By doing so, you're not only opening doors to new opportunities for yourself but also for your partner. ‘Tis what love is all about.

With my whole heart,
Your Maddy