Always Kiss the Homies
This ramble is dedicated to the humans in my life with whom I share deep and beautiful platonic connections. Your love, support, and unwavering friendship have enriched my life in countless ways. I love you so dang much and am sending big, sloppy, platonic kisses your way.
Living a romantic life doesn't require a romantic partner. I've been single for over two years and they’ve been the most romantically fulfilling of my entire existence. And no, it's not because I've been going on a lot of dates, though I have been known to dabble (insert winky face).
It's because my friendships are so deep and intimate that they genuinely feel romantic to me. Now, let me clarify – I'm not romantically involved with my friends, but I'll admit, I might give them a smooch every now and then, both figuratively and, occasionally, literally. I’ll explain.
Kissing, whether metaphorical or literal, serves as a drop in the love bucket of intimacy. It's a tangible way to express affection and show our people that we care deeply about them. There are lots of ways to give someone a figurative smooch. Stay with me, here…
Let’s start with the elephant in the room: the statistics regarding romantic relationships aren't encouraging. I hate to be that girl, but let's face it, our collective romantic success rate isn't exactly inspiring. Meanwhile, friendships have this incredible ability to endure the ups and downs of life. When everything falls apart, who's there to pick up the pieces? Your friends. So why not invest in those relationships? Why not nurture that bond? Society often tells us that expressions of love and closeness should be reserved exclusively for romantic partners, but why should that be the case? Our friendships serve as the backbone of our support system.
For me personally, my primary love languages are physical touch and quality time. I'm what you might call a "shoulder grabber." Sometimes it's a conscious action, but most of the time, it's just my subconscious way of showing that I'm fully present and invested in our time together. I’m locked in baby and I’m here with you. I'm all about a full-frontal hug, affectionate pats on the back, and probably accidentally leaning on you when we're walking side by side because, well, I have zero spatial awareness and I love physical contact.
Of course, I understand that not everyone is comfortable with physical displays of affection, and that's totally okay. The key is to find what works for you and your friends – whether it's a warm smile, a supportive text message, or a shared inside joke. The important part is to show appreciation for the special people in your life.
Alright, let’s address the elephant’s first cousin: social norms. These norms, which encompass everything from gender expectations to homophobia, sometimes lead to misunderstandings about platonic affection. Simple gestures like hugging, holding hands, or expressing emotional closeness can be misinterpreted as romantic or sexual interest, creating unnecessary confusion and discomfort. That’s so stinking awkward for everybody involved.
Take gender expectations, for instance. Women are often encouraged to show physical affection and emotional closeness with their friends, while men might get side-eyed or laughed at for the same affectionate gesture. It's like we're stuck in some bizarre stereotype loop of masculinity and femininity.
And then there's homophobia, adding another layer of complexity, especially for same-gender friendships. In places where LGBTQ+ identities aren't exactly embraced with open arms, showing intimacy with friends of the same gender can lead to all sorts of uncomfortable assumptions and judgments.
I also feel called to address the dynamic in male-female hetero friendships. I'm all about setting boundaries and maintaining a healthy dynamic, but I find it to be a bit of a red flag if my person doesn't have close friends of the opposite gender.
Hear me out – it’s all about balance. Yes, there should absolutely be a line, but if someone can't handle having platonic friendships with people of the opposite gender, it signifies to me that they're incapable of seeing them as anything other than a potential conquest or a sexual object. And that’s super gross.
To be incredibly clear, I have zero intentions of literally kissing my hetero-male friends who are in relationships. Be so for real. And I get it – society loves to gossip about this kind of dynamic. I could link you to a billion trillion articles about not trusting a person with a straight bestie of the opposite gender. That is precisely my point. I think it’s ridiculous.
What I might do is spend some quality one-on-one time with them to nurture our dynamic and make sure their friendship love tank is filled, just like with all my other friends. Maybe it's grabbing a beer and a game of chess – y'all know I love chess.
Relationships should be built on trust, mutual respect, and a deep understanding of each other's boundaries. If my person can't handle the idea of me having close friends of all genders, I’m going to be concerned. Picture the skeptical furrowed brow emoji. That’s what I look like when someone says they don’t want their partner to have close friends of the opposite gender. If you can't trust your partner to have platonic friendships, what can you trust them with?
If I am being completely honest (which I always try to be), I couldn't care less about the stigmas. Seriously, not a single fork. I'm all about challenging those norms and embracing a more inclusive and accepting view of platonic intimacy. It’s beautiful when we can break down those barriers and cultivate trusting and supportive closeness with our friends.
So here's my promise: I'll always be ready to kiss the homies (whether it's a metaphorical smooch or a literal one – you do you) and celebrate the magic of platonic intimacy. Our friendships are precious, and they deserve all the cherishing, nurturing, and occasional smooching we can offer. Life's too short to hold back when it comes to showing love to the humans who matter most.
With my whole heart,
Your Maddy
