Bi The Way…

If you're into queer culture or perhaps just perpetually online, chances are you’re well acquainted with Chappell Roan, our emerging gay pop icon (Not to toot my own horn, but I have been on her train since 2020…toot toot!)

And if you've been anywhere near TikTok lately, you might have caught those reaction videos to her absolute ANTHEM of a song, "Good Luck, Babe!" It’s catchy and relatable, especially for anyone who's ever bid a not-so-fond farewell to an ex, celebrating their newfound independence while tossing a cheeky "you'll never find someone like me again" over their shoulder.

But let's chat about the layers here, especially for us bisexual folks. There's a few lines in her song that I cannot stop thinking about:

When you wake up next to him in the middle of the night
With your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife
And when you think about me, all of those years ago
You're standing face to face with "I told you so"

That phrase, "nothing more than his wife," is loaded with nuance. It brings up big questions about identity, especially how we perceive bisexual relationships. If you've scrolled through the queer corners of TikTok, you've probably seen the debates ignited by this lyric. Some suggest it taps into that old trope that if you're bisexual and end up with a man, maybe you're just conforming, or succumbing to societal expectations—what some call "compulsory heterosexuality" or "comphet."

** Here’s the comphet masterdoc for anyone interested in exploring further.

I hate that take. This is what we’re not going to do.

To suggest that being bisexual is somehow less valid if you're in a heterosexual relationship, or that you're not truly living your truth, is incredibly harmful. It’s a stereotype that undermines the real, valid experiences of bisexual people, portraying bisexuality as a phase rather than a firm identity.

Also, the idea that someone might regret their relationship choices based on the gender of their partner oversimplifies the complex nature of human relationships. Love isn't just about gender; it's about connection, compatibility, and shared moments. I think you’re hot, do you think I’m hot? I love your heart, do you love my heart? Should we like… kiss?

The gender of a partner doesn't dictate the validity or depth of these experiences. And I’m positive that bisexual people aren’t the only people who experience longing.

On a more personal note, listening to this song did hit a bit close to home for me. As someone who has mostly dated men—partly due to circumstances and, if I'm being totally honest, maybe a bit because of my own social finesse, or the lack thereof (all bangs, no rizz)—I've had moments of wondering if I might be better suited to date women exclusively. There's this tinge of longing sometimes, mainly because I haven't had as much experience with women as I have with men.

But feeling this doesn't mean I've been unhappy with the men I've dated, nor does it imply any regret over those relationships. It's more about exploring all facets of my identity and acknowledging that different parts of me might connect differently with different people. It's a journey of self-discovery, where every relationship—regardless of the gender of the person I'm with—teaches me something valuable about myself. This doesn't negate my feelings or experiences; it enriches them. Adds more colors to my rainbow.

Moreover, suggesting that a bisexual person in a relationship with a man is just "playing it safe" really undermines personal choice. It invalidates the experiences of those who find true happiness in their relationships, regardless of the partner's gender.

It's crucial to remember the diversity within the bisexual community. For some, there's a stronger attraction to one gender over another, but this doesn't make anyone less bisexual. Others might find their attractions are more balanced or fluctuate over time. For me, it genuinely depends on the day. Sometimes I’m a Lil Yachty girlie, others it’s Faye Webster all the way. (Yachty is adorable and I don’t want to hear what you have to say.)

Point being: bisexuality isn't a one-size-fits-all; it's a broad and inclusive spectrum.

In essence, while "Good Luck, Babe!" is a total bop that captures the spirit of moving on and self-empowerment, it's also a springboard into deeper discussions about bisexual representation and identity. By acknowledging and validating the full range of bisexual experiences, we can fight against bisexual erasure and celebrate bisexuality as a legitimate and stable identity. Let's keep yapping about it, not just to enjoy the music, but to ensure everyone in the bisexual community feels seen, heard, and validated in their identities.

With my whole heart,
Your Maddy